I’ve decided to just post this instead of deleting the draft. Things aren’t this bad anymore. Hopefully it’ll stay this way. Head above water.
It’s happening again. I don’t understand how it could possibly be — and, so soon. Why is this happening so frequently? Even though this feeling is so old, this experience is so new. I feel like I’m not even able to stand up again before I’m shoved back into the dirt.
Here we go again. ‘Round and ’round. Much like a carousel. Have I been that bad of a person to constantly be going through this vicious cycle?? More than anything, I just want it all to stop. I just need everything to stop.
I’m kind of getting sick of this, if you can understand. Every time I think I’m going to make it, the monster grabs hold of my leg and drags me back down (like in that scene from Paranormal Activity. Haha.). I’m grasping at the frayed threads of a short rope right now. Something’s gotta give. And soon. Because my arms are starting to get weak from holding on for so long, and so is my heart. And my brain too, frankly.